Hannah Montana Poses for Playboy

November 17, 2016
Hannah Montana Poses for Playboy
By Ladybug140 aka Fantasy Tales Copyright 2008 All Rights Reserved.

Move over Britney, Miley is has taken the stage, yet again. For many years we have witnessed and become all too familiar with what becomes of an aging rat pack, brat pack, and mouseketeer pack when over the hill first occurred at 49, then 39, until the current state of affairs, 29. I think it was the aging boomer Chris Knight or Scott Baio who said, “The new 40’s is 60” showing signs of early dimensia.

For those too young to remember, Dean, Sammy, Joey and Peter’s idea of a good time consisted simply of skirt chasing and boozing. These men were real pros for they always got back to business on time albeit hung over but ready to roll; a routine they kept going for decades. Except for some obvious dark circles (they didn’t know the preparation H remedy then) one had to imagine the prior night’s entertainment much to the envy of all. Oh what Vegas was like back then. Sitting at the dais at the MGM Grand, when it was half the metropolis it is today, were first time women libbers such as Phyllis Diller, a personal favorite, and Ruth Buzzy who could both sling a few shots while jokingly beat up on their “male chauvinist pig” buddies. Yes, that was what the world was like back then.

Until the next generation shoved them aside. Next “in” came Emilo Esteves, his brother Charlie Sheen, Sean Penn, and Judd Hirsh who literally drove the old timers off Ventura highway. Compared to their fathers these boys made their dads look like saints. Add one more, Robert Downey Jr., who was sometimes absent apparently too lost to find the door out of the drug den. Sean married Madonna and was arrested for beating her friend; I believe he was desperately seeking Susan. Charlie most often was awal with Bob, while Emilio and Judd did what they could to preserve the good name. Madonna donned cones, Rosanne took the microphone and Rosy took everything else. Women seemed to be having a menstrual melt down during that phase.

And Disney saw the gap as did Heff. From out of no where suddenly appeared these perky pests jumping around (maybe their caps were too tight), singing songs of supposed good, clean cheer. Give me a break. It didn’t take long for Justin to break Britney and fondle Janet while Jessica caught a fish or was it a chicken? Ok, Nick and Jessica were not bona fide members of the clan, but they became inducted as networks grew from the 5 channels of the forefathers days (when sin city earned it’s name; yes Vegas once had that name and reputation) to over 2000 exhibitionists we can select from in the comfort of our homes each day. First there was “That Girl” - are you too young to know who that might be? Don’t laugh, there was a time when husband and wife were not shown in the same bed let alone showing public displays of affection. Next came the sexy and sultry Cat Woman, now currently residing in a nearby nursing home, followed by the material girl who no matter how much plastic surgery missed her chance to be on Heff’s roster. All the king’s men couldn’t put that one back together again. Cat Woman was made over, though dominatrix in style, still in clothes.

Oh but those were the wonder years when Pamela Anderson changed the face, no the body, of the 80’s as did Anna Nicole both of whom had such strong “Marilyn” appeal (for any of you who are nostalgic or enterprising, a copy of the Marilyn Monroe issue of Playboy has recently fetched over $1 million dollars for a cover in good condition, no scum, on ebay). Simply put Britney was passed over. Two pregnant too young, too ill to notice, too washed up too young, Miley didn’t even have to step over the corpse.

While Hannah Montana had her day on the stage at the tender age of 13, much like Britney, Disney had thought they outsmarted the forefathers in selecting a mouseketeer pack believed to stay virginal even after their post teen years. I think Disney’s leaders, who are the same age as Knight and Baio, clearly should take up residency with Cat Woman. Hannah they could keep a cap on, Miley grew up.

Last week on Heff’s syndicated series “The Girls Next Door” an aging and severly sagging Kim Kardashian announced a new pet mate, Miley Cyrus (I guess this is the secret to Heff’s fountain of youth), while holding onto what appeared to be the newest cover. From what this reporter could see, Miley is still perky though I do wonder if they are real or imposters.

Boy did she grow up fast. Wasn’t it yesterday in 2008 when Hannah Montana tickets were the hardest to fetch tickets in town? Where did the time go? Where did Hannah go? I guess to a downtown medical office. I didn’t see her go in, neither did the paparazzi. Well it’s no wonder, we all remember in 2010 when Hannah began to grow boobs of her own and Disney cut the umbilical cord. Anorexia followed up in an episode of Celebrity rehab where the once nubile Hannah gained an unprecedented 100 pounds. I am not sure the doctor helped solve the underlying problem. Next it was onto Celebrity Fit Club where Miley got her groove and figure back when she left the show at a normal 125 pounds on her 5’-4” frame. That is until we next saw her on The Surreal life where she was ousted out in the second round challenge and disappeared from the radar. 2010 was a long time ago.

Until Now. And what a change just a few short years can make. Here’s to Miley all grow up and standing up on her own! Do you think she will last as a pet mate for more than one season? After all Miley is pushing 25.